• 图案背景
  • 纯色背景
  •   |  注册
  • /
  • 批注本地保存成功,开通会员云端永久保存 去开通
  • A Course in Love - A Self-Discovery Guide for Finding Your Soulmate


    内容提示: A Coursein LovePowerful Teachingson Love, Sex, andPersonal FulfillmentJoan M. Gattuso From my heart and soulthis book is lovingly dedicated tomy husband and soulmate,David S. Alexander,who was worth the wait. ContentsvAcknowledgmentsIntroduction71.Relationships: Holy or Hell?2.Do You Love Me or My Body?3.Needy Isn’t Attractive654.Spiritual Laws to Live By5.Look Through Loving Eyes916.Examine Your Patterns7.Recognizing Your “Stuff” and Working on It1218.Forgive, Forgive, Forgive9.Visualize, Pray, M...

    亚博足球app下载格式:PDF| 浏览次数:9| 上传日期:2012-10-10 11:28:25| 亚博足球app下载星级:
    A Coursein LovePowerful Teachingson Love, Sex, andPersonal FulfillmentJoan M. Gattuso From my heart and soulthis book is lovingly dedicated tomy husband and soulmate,David S. Alexander,who was worth the wait. ContentsvAcknowledgmentsIntroduction71.Relationships: Holy or Hell?2.Do You Love Me or My Body?3.Needy Isn’t Attractive654.Spiritual Laws to Live By5.Look Through Loving Eyes916.Examine Your Patterns7.Recognizing Your “Stuff” and Working on It1218.Forgive, Forgive, Forgive9.Visualize, Pray, Meditate15310.Rising in Love11.Soulmates Now Meeting at Gate 4212.Holy Sex19713.Soulmated Couples I Have Known and LovedAbout the AuthorCoverCopyrightAbout the Publisher1294775109137169185 AcknowledgmentsThere are people in my life who have made the journey richer,sweeter, and more challenging, and to whom I wish to expressmy gratitude:To all those who have so long supported me and believed inme—especially my parents, Jim and Vivian; my brothers Jim andPerry; my longtime friends Susy Miller Schwabe, Ginna BellBragg, Nancy Miller, Pat McClain, and Roger Goins—thanks foryour love through my years of drama and into the present.To Sandy Daleiden, David’s friend who “knew” I was hissoulmate.To John Broad, who had the courage to speak to what he sawin me and saved my life, and to Ronn Liller.To Felicia Hyde-Martinez, our church administrative assistant,who always gives 100 percent and who picked up many piecesso that I would be able to write.v To Kim Cahuas, my wonderful business manager.To my stepdaughters Robyn, Lisa, and Julie and their families.You are a tremendous blessing, and I thank you for accepting meso totally.To my Master Mind partner, Marleen Davis.To Linda Spencer, my soul sister and fellow sojourner on thepath, who prayed for me without ceasing, who believed in meand the message of this book, and who celebrated each step withme.To my spiritual teachers Sister Augustine, O.P., Joyce Kramer,Martha Giudici, Dennis Adams, Dr. Jean Houston, and HisHoliness the Dalai Lama.To my loving and conscious congregation, Unity of GreaterCleveland.To Marianne Williamson, who helped birth the idea of thisbook in October 1992, and Wayne Dyer, who nurtured the ideaalong in December 1992. You two fanned the flame and the ideabecame a reality.To Dan Wakefield, my guardian angel. You have blessed mylife beyond measure.To my literary agent, Anne Sibbald, for saying yes. You are theperfect one.To the ideal staff at Harper San Francisco, especially editor LisaBach for taking on this project in midstream and doing such anexcellent job and Barbara Moulton for your belief in the messageand your enthusiasm for getting it out.To Joel Fotinos, marketing manager, a kindred spirit whosepassion for this project is my blessing.To those who helped me learn the importance of forgivenessand to those who taught me what love really is. I thank you all.viA Course in Love And from the depth of my being to Joan Kirkwood Miley, whoyears ago was my secretary, who always believed in me and mymessage, who gave to me and this project countless hours overthe last two years, who made sense out of my handwritten streamof consciousness. I thank you for giving so much and for yourencouragement, love, friendship, and support. You are a treasureand a dear friend.To my husband, David S. Alexander—the love of my life,soulmate, gift from God, and still my very best manifestation ofSpiritual Principle—for your love and willingness to do whateverwas needed to assist me in birthing this book. I am eternallygrateful.To the Holy Spirit for the years of inspiration and guidance,and for the love that enfolds me in all that I do.viiAcknowledgments IntroductionDavid was ten when he knew. I was older, perhaps fourteen,when I knew.We knew the possibility of being in a loving relationship inwhich one’s soul draws to itself its perfect partner. This partnerwould not fill our empty place, but would perfectly complementthe fullness of our inner selves, our spirits.As children in small-town middle America in the fifties andsixties, we did not have many role models for such a loving andfulfilling relationship. As the two of us passed through puberty,there certainly was no mention of being with one’s soulmate andhaving a joyful partnership. But we knew that there was a remark-able way in which to be in a relationship, and we would not stopthe quest until that way was found.The prevailing message to women of that day was that menwere to be tolerated at best. The common belief was,1 “Can’t live with ’em and can’t live without ’em.” Most men weresaying the same thing about women. Both camps in the battle ofthe sexes were fortified with enough anger, hostility, unmet ex-pectations, and cruelty to keep the war going for years. Most re-lationships were, and still are, about doing battle with each otherin an attempt to manipulate the partner into fulfilling our unmetneeds.Yet the flame of another possibility continued to burn, and inthe face of no tangible evidence to support this inner certainty,it stayed with us. Through two early and unfortunate marriages,it stayed with me. This was true for David as well. He also exper-ienced two marriages that ended in divorce.In my soul I knew relationships were meant to be holy, nothell. Loving another meant loving him all the time, not just whenhe was doing what I wanted him to do or saying what I wantedhim to say. Love had to be unconditional or it wasn’t love. Beingtogether would be easy, not work. We would naturally be kindand considerate of each other. To behave otherwise would beunnatural. We would be comfortable together. We would havea great deal in common and respect each other’s differences. Ouressences would connect.As Leslie Parrish Bach says in her husband Richard Bach’s bookA Bridge Across Forever, “A soulmate is someone who has locksthat fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safeenough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we canbe completely and honestly who we are, we can be loved for whowe are and not for who we’re pretending to be.”We would know God together. The sexual aspect would beeasy and pleasurable but would only be a piece of the magnifi-cence. Our love would embrace other people rather than ex-2A Course in Love clude them as a threat to our relationship. Such a relationshipwould bring a touch of heaven to our daily lives.Elizabeth Bowen wrote, “Certain books come to meet one, asdo people.” A spiritual text entitled A Course in Miracles came tomeet me in November 1976. I fully agree with Marianne William-son’s description of A Course in Miracles as “a self-study programof spiritual psychotherapy.” As I began to study the Course indepth, my soul resonated with the spiritual teachings it contained.Although the material was similar to what I had been coming toknow was true through my study of Unity’s teachings andthrough meditation, it brought every aspect of life into clear focus.A Course in Miracles is the foundation of my spiritual understand-ing. Its instruction on relationships, and its affirmation of howglorious they can be, is clearer and better than anything else Ihave encountered.When I began studying and applying these spiritual principles,I stepped onto a new path, a path that led me into a number oftrainings, teachings, and spiritual adventures. My life began toradically transform, and I began to view all of life from a differentpoint of view, seeing relationships in a way that I had never beentaught.What I had known in my soul to be true was now being con-firmed in these teachings: it is possible to have love withoutconflict, to totally forgive the past, to have happiness as the pur-pose of relationships, to know that relationships were meant tobe holy. I held to these truths and began an incredible journey oftransformation. That journey and what could be yours ispresented to you in A Course in Love.In the first part of this book, we will look at the status of mostrelationships today. An honest, thoughtful examination of ourrelationships suggests that nearly all of us have settled for3Introduction the dysfunctional norm: relationships born out of the ego ratherthan the spirit.The second part of the book moves beyond the unacceptablenorm to what is possible in our relationships. The journey fromhell to holy relationships is laid out step-by-step so that you, thereader, can take this journey and create your own transformationalrelationship.The journey’s end—a holy relationship—is the subject of thefinal section. What does a holy, transformational relationshiplook like? What makes two people soulmates? In this section, Ishare my miraculous story of meeting my soulmate and how ourlove drew us together through time and space. We will also takean intimate look at the blessed unions of several other coupleswho enjoy successful, love-filled relationships. Included is a listof the common factors found in the expression of love betweensoulmates. If you are not already in a holy relationship, you willfind all the tools necessary to transform the repetitive patterns offailed relationships into relationships that are easy, joyous, ener-gizing, loving, happy, healthy, and free.I took hold of the spiritual principles taught in A Course inMiracles and, with my own spiritual faith, applied them unceas-ingly to my life and history. I learned to rise out of victim con-sciousness into self-mastery, out of fear, hurt, and separation intolove, peace, and bliss.I’ve done it. So can you. It’s much more than a possibility. It’sthe way life was meant to be. If you also hold what I term “theknowing” within your heart, I share with you from Richard Bach’streasure, Illusions: “You are never given a wish without also beinggiven the power to make it true. You may have to work for it,however.”On July 25, 1986, my soulmate and I met and began walkingtogether to God. This is our story of spiritual quickening4A Course in Love and of bringing what the heart knows is true into living, breathingexpression.Getting here wasn’t easy, but David was worth the wait andthe work. It is my prayer and sincerest desire that you too mayknow love in a life-supporting, renewing way.There is a way the world looks at relationships that does notwork. There is a way to look at relationships that truly does work,and I have found it. Now you too can have true love.5Introduction 1Relationships:Holy or Hell?Sam and Kathy met in graduate school, where he was a studentand she was in administration. They were friends for quite a whileand eventually began dating casually, which soon led to theirdating each other exclusively.Initially, one could not praise the other’s virtues loudly enough.Sam told his family and his buddies that he had finally met thewoman for him. She personified everything he wanted in a wife.She was a beautiful blonde and had a rewarding career, but shewas willing to put his career and possible moves ahead of herown goals. She had a cutting wit and thought his humor wascharming. She was athletic and loved their home sports teams asmuch as he did. She could take care of herself, and he just knewshe would take good care of him.Kathy, on the other hand, had just ended a five-year relation-ship with a man who was incapable of making a commitment.7 At the time that Sam began pursuing her more directly, Kathywas tired of being “the one who keeps giving and giving. Nexttime I’m going to choose someone who wants to give to me.”Kathy enjoyed Sam’s company, and they shared many interests,as well as similar career goals. She knew that in time she couldhelp Sam change those few characteristics of his that she did notlike or found irritating.At this point the warning signs were already evident. Here aresome of the obvious ones that ultimately would doom Sam andKathy’s relationship:• Sam’s first mention of Kathy to his friends always had to dowith her looks—“beautiful and blond.”• Kathy was willing to put Sam’s goals ahead of hers.• Sam knew that Kathy would take good care of him.• Kathy had recently ended a troubled relationship.• Kathy expected to “help Sam change.”Later we will explore in depth why these signs point to a rela-tionship that will evolve into conflict, suffering, and failure. Fornow, just examine these early warning signs as they may applyto your own relationship.Sam and Kathy’s romance was on-again, off-again for a coupleof years, but all their friends could see that they truly cared foreach other and had a “special” relationship.A Course in Miracles teaches a radical view of what “special”means. Specialness is seen not as something wonderful, loving,and positive, but rather as something that isolates us and fills uswith fear—fear that at any second what we perceive as love andthe union of two souls will be snatched away. While living in aconsciousness of specialness, we view all others as8A Course in Love separate and apart from us, fiercely denying through our beliefsand actions our underlying oneness.When seen clearly, special relationships can be viewed ascodependent, compulsive relationships. Held together by the ego,these unhealthy alliances are doomed to fail. We must realizethat “special” is a poor substitute for what could be. We haveaccepted specialness, which separates and causes pain, in placeof holiness, which joins and brings love.Specialness is not love. It is a substitute for love. When twolovers are in a special relationship, an impenetrable wall remainsforever between them, keeping each one separate and apart,lonely and isolated.While in specialness we are ever ready to assume the role ofjudge, jury, and executioner to our lover for any behavior or atti-tude that does not correspond to our image of how he or she issupposed to be. Specialness continues to live only through thedefeat of our former lover, through devaluing, judging, or dis-counting him or her.Consider the times you have dismissed as unworthy or insig-nificant a person you once claimed to love or whom you at leastcared for deeply. That’s specialness in action. Here are some redflags of a special relationship:• You care for someone for what he or she can give you, forexample, name, home, security, children, wealth, sex.• You feel a need to rescue the other person.• A lover quickly turns into an enemy.• What you once called love soon becomes disdain or even hate.• The physical aspect of the relationship is of utmost importance.9Relationships: Holy or Hell? • Bodies are everything; essence is not very important. You focuson the outer package and never examine the inner essence.• You feel the need to remake your partner, giving the messagethat he or she is not good enough the way he or she is rightnow.• You always point out what is lacking in the partner.• The relationship is filled with judgments, guilt, hurt, and an-ger.• You always hold the “object of your love” at arm’s length tobe reviewed or scrutinized.• You trust no one except yourself.• Almost from the beginning of a new relationship you start togive up parts of what makes you unique.• You make constant comparisons, attempting to establish yourworth by devaluing your partner.• You regard others as either beneath you or above you becauseyou focus on people’s differences rather than their similarities.• Through specialness you are ever ready to attack, find fault,adjust, make over, correct, or alter in some “helpful” way.• You look to your partner to fulfill your needs.• You see the other person as an object, rather than as brotheror sister, someone just like you.• You place limits on love.• A little whisper you do not like, a circumstance that does notsuit you, an unexpected event—any of these can upset yourfragile world, hurling you into chaos.• Your relationship is threatened by everything.10A Course in Love Our individual lists of specialness can take myriad forms, butthe underlying thoughts and feelings are always clashing withour divine heritage and adamantly denying the depth of lovethat could be experienced. The end result, no matter what formof expression it takes, is always the same—pain! We choose spe-cialness instead of peace, specialness instead of heaven, special-ness instead of true love.The idea that the root cause of suffering in relationships is thedesire for specialness can be traced back twenty-five hundredyears to the teachings of the two renowned Chinese philosophers,Lao-tzu and Chuang-tzu, the fathers of Taoism. They understoodthat all our woes occur because we create a separateness andspecialness for ourselves. When we separate ourselves from oth-ers, we are in conflict with them. Our desire for specialness iswhy we suffer.Sam and Kathy did move to another part of the country whereSam had a terrific opportunity for business advancement. Kathyquite willingly gave up her successful and rewarding career tomove. In their new location she was unable to find a similar pos-ition. For several months she worked as a temporary staffer, butthis immediately bored her and she grew increasingly dissatisfied.Eventually she joined Sam in his business, and together theybuilt a successful enterprise. By all outward appearances theirlife together looked great, but underneath the veneer of special-ness major conflicts were brewing.Kathy felt a lot of resentment toward Sam because of the movethat had required her to give up a gratifying career. His own ca-reer contentment became more and more irritating to her. She nolonger felt much of a connection with Sam. When she tried todiscuss her feelings with him, he’d just make a joke and tell herhe felt great and there was no problem. Flashbacks11Relationships: Holy or Hell? of her previous painful relationship kept coming to Kathy. Shefelt as if she were beginning to relive her past.Many real and deep problems continued to rise to the surfacein what had appeared to be a happy relationship. At the time,neither Sam nor Kathy had the tools or the wisdom to successfullyresolve these conflicts. After a couple of years of each one comingfrom the position of, “If only you’d change, everything would beokay between us,” both were emotionally drained. Sam didn’twant to change those characteristics Kathy viewed as irritating.In fact, Kathy’s constant nagging about them became an extremeirritation to Sam. The situation continued to deteriorate untilKathy and Sam separated and then divorced.For Sam and Kathy, the end result of eight years of egostruggles, breakups, and makeups was a divorce after only threeyears of marriage.Their story is not unique. The divorce rate in the United Statesis not at 50 percent because we are all experts in creating loving,supportive, lasting relationships. What most of us know how todo is short-term romance or flings. We play nice just as long asour ego-based needs are met. When these needs are no longerfulfilled, most folks pack their bags and run—if not physically,then emotionally and mentally. That is, we may stay for fiftyyears but lead lives of “quiet desperation,” as Thoreau put it. Allof us know couples who fit this description. Maybe you feel thisdescribes you.Whenever we are in a relationship based on what we can getrather than what we can be, do, and give, it is “special” and willnot last. Special relationships are the American model. We cometogether as two wounded, unhealed people who hope to get ourneeds met. Most likely, we do not recognize the true dynamicsof the situation and may never identify the real problem.12A Course in Love A special relationship is our attempt to relive the past and thistime have a different outcome. This kind of relationship is basedon ego needs and not on love. We may call it love, but it is not.When we exist in this kind of partnership, we always see theflaws of others, especially our mate’s. If only he or she would dothis, be that, say this, then my life would work. I would be happy.We project our ability to be happy onto our partners and expectthem to make us happy, fulfill our needs, and live according toour expectations.The reaction to this situation is predictable. When your matemeets your needs, then you think you’re happy and fulfilled.When your mate falls short of your expectations, you feel betrayedand empty. The truth of the situation is that after the initial glowbegins to dim, your needs and expectations cannot possibly bemet and you become miserable. She becomes the source of yourmisery. He’s behaving selfishly. She’s thoughtless even thoughyou’ve given so much to her. Meanwhile, he’s complaining to hisbuddies about you and your excessive demands and even worse,your dwindling interest in sex. You feel unloved, he feels unloved;neither of you is getting your needs met, and neither is going to.Couples often become entangled in a web of bartering (If youmeet my needs, I will do what you want, be what you want) andkeeping score (Who last did what for whom?). But this will notwork. It cannot work because love is not a trade-off.What Your Parents Couldn’t Teach YouOne of the most important lessons about relationships was nevertaught to you in school. If you had been so instructed, it wouldhave served you well. Your mother and father never13Relationships: Holy or Hell? taught you either, but only because they did not know. They werenever taught by their parents. Here it is. Pay attention and thinkabout it. No one can fulfill your needs but you. No one! We’ll searchon and on, never quite finding the right one. We keep believingthat if only we could find the right person, all our problems wouldcease.Accept it! For it is the truth. No one can meet your needs butyou. You can cry about it, rage about it, pout and scream aboutit, but the result will be the same if you don’t live by it—misery.You can try to coerce and manipulate, seek to compromise, oreven make yourself physically ill, but the result does not change.Two unhappy people will still be lost, unhealed, and miserableif they believe it is the other person’s responsibility to meet theirneeds and make them happy.Seeking and not finding is the game of the ego. We are foreverseeking outside ourselves for an answer that can only be foundwithin. We desperately want to find it in the outside world. Wecontinue to insist that it must be there, but it is not. The soonerwe can comprehend that what we are looking for is not to befound outside ourselves, the sooner we can get off the merry-go-round of failed relationships and move forward. No one can giveyou what you are unwilling to give yourself.In a special relationship, each party keeps portions of herselfor himself separate from the other. Within each lurks an over-whelming fear that if the partner were ever to see what lies deepwithin, he or she would recoil in terror. The truth of a special re-lationship is that we do not love ourselves enough to be able totruly love another.We’ve all heard, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Most of ushave never learned to love ourselves, so how can we love ourneighbor, our lover, our husband or wife? We’ve been given somany screwed-up, false messages about love that for most of us14A Course in Love love has become a fantasy, a word from long ago never to berealized.Our insistence on specialness keeps us from realizing the willof God in our relationships. God’s will for us is always to knowlove. God’s love is given equally to each of us. In this love wehave free will to decide whether we accept love’s message nowor at some distant future time. Until we accept the ways of truelove, there remains in us a knowledge, however faint, that spe-cialness will not give us what we truly want or recognize whowe truly are.Instead of living a heaven on earth, as God’s love would haveit be, we have created a hell here and now and called it home.While in specialness, we are asleep, surrounded by a world ofloveliness we do not see. Living in the world that specialnesscreates is like living in a bad dream and not knowing it is a dream.We stamp our feet, insisting within the dream that it is reality. Ifwe are to free ourselves from the damaging effects of specialness,we must be willing to question every value we hold dear. Thiscan be a terrifying process that can cause egos to go berserk.In looking back over the years of my spiritual awakening andsoul growth, I can now clearly see that each step was necessaryand essential, but during the various stages, especially the earlyones, this certainly was not evident. I stepped onto this pathkicking and screaming, insisting that I still wanted to do it myway. It took years for me to understand that maybe, just maybe,God had a better way. Just possibly, God had a purpose for ourbeing together in the type of partnership that I had intuitivelyknown about as a teenager but had never experienced.As a minister I have officiated at many weddings. Being withcouples during this joyous time, I find it interesting to observetheir personal dynamics. Happily, most seem very15Relationships: Holy or Hell? connected with each other. Others, though, are much more con-cerned with the exterior trappings than with what is actuallyhappening. I’ve seen grooms still trying to please a domineeringmother and brides sobbing hysterically moments before we areto begin. Everyone always says it’s nerves, but I sense it is muchmore. I too was once a sobbing young bride, absolutely knowingthat the long walk down the aisle wearing the expensive gownin the cavernous church was a big mistake. I too swallowed theknowing and walked.I pray I will only be asked to officiate at weddings of couplestruly connected and never asked to many those who are not.Sometimes that has not been the case.One Saturday I ran into one of the brides from the previousyear at a local department store. I remembered Shannon instantly:a petite, beautiful young woman who looked just like the bridedoll on the top of her cake. Her wedding will always be clearlyfixed in my memory. It was 104 degrees and the ceremony washeld outside. There were moments when I thought the entirewedding party was going to topple forward on cue. Asking howshe and Andrew were, I was stunned when she replied, “Di-vorced!” Divorced within the first year. I don’t know the detailsof Shannon and Andrew’s story, but as with many other couples,it hadn’t taken long for their ego-backed demands to get out ofcontrol. What was once “special” love quickly turned to “special”hate.Ann and Tim had a “special” relationship from the start. Hewas older and authoritative, the molder, and she was young andpliable, or so he thought. Ann was willing, initially, to do anythingand be anything to please Tim. She had just recently, painfully,ended her first marriage after that husband announced he wasleaving her to marry a man. Needless to say,16A Course in Love Ann felt a tremendous sense of rejection. Her self-confidenceplummeted.Tim quickly set a course for Ann, controlling her diet, exercise,reading, studying, vitamin intake, and wardrobe selection. Per-haps he fancied himself as Professor Higgins from My Fair Lady,but Ann was no Eliza. Ann rebelled and they divorced. Tim in-stantly went into a third marriage and soon began having an affairwith Ann. She no longer wanted to be made over, but she wasaddicted to his domineering yet charming demeanor and sexualprowess. She was in the snare of the classic special relationshipand seemed emotionally unable to live without him.Whenever you believe you cannot live without another person,watch out. The belief that your very life depends on another personis a clear warning that the relationship is unhealthy. So what domost of us do? We boldly walk straight into it. You know we do.You’ve probably done it. I’ve done it. Nearly everyone we knowhas done it.So what do you think Ann and Tim did? He divorced wifenumber three and Ann and Tim remarried. It was a remarriagefilled with the promise that this time everything would be differ-ent. Of course it wasn’t. It couldn’t be, because they were no dif-ferent than before. They were still the same two wounded soulsthey had been six years ago. They did not change simply bymouthing the words “I’ll change.” Change simply does not hap-pen just because we say so. To truly change, to transform an oldnegative pattern into a new supportive one takes a great deal ofwillingness, commitment, and work. It never happens simplybecause we want it.This time was not exactly the same as before with Ann andTim. This time it got worse. Physical violence erupted when17Relationships: Holy or Hell? she was no longer willing to be molded into his plaything. Hecontinued with his affairs, and the relationship failed. Was thefailed relationship his fault? No. Was it her fault? No. Both Annand Tim were living with emotional wounds, wounds that wentso deep into their souls that they constantly got in the way ofAnn and Tim’s ability to be truly with each other.Finding who is to blame isn’t helpful. Finding the underlyingsoul wounds within the psyche that attracted such a relationshipis.What initially attracted Tim to Ann was exactly what he wantedto change as the relationship developed. In a special relationshipwhat first attracts us is exactly what we later want to change. Ifa partner is extremely outgoing and vivacious and we say, “Howwonderful! He has such an open personality and is so much fun,”we will later feel threatened by this same personality and will becritical of his never being serious enough. In a special relationshipa woman who is meticulous about herself and her home, and isat first much admired for her efforts, will later be criticized byher partner for taking so much time to get ready or keep up thehouse or for being unable to relax.It doesn’t take much to upset the precarious balance of suchrelationships. Anything and everything can quickly come betweenthe partners in these dysfunctional, ego-ruled alliances.The problem for Tim and Ann lay in the fact that these twobasically decent human beings were both filled with their ownoozing wounds and had been unwilling to acknowledge them.Denial of our problems does not make them go away. Actually,they only fester and worsen as we deny them.Ann finally woke up and realized that this was a very non-supportive, unhealthy way to be living her life. She left the rela-tionship and began her own emotional recovery. She now18A Course in Love knows, several years later, that an unhealed piece of her is stilldrawn to Tim and men like him. She is attracted to men whowant to daddy her or remake her, men who think she’s wonderfulbut aren’t quite satisfied with her. She’s working on resolvingthat. As for Tim, he’s now married to wife number five. Pleasenote that Ann left the relationship and then began working onwhy and how she got there. The first thing a woman in a physic-ally abusive relationship must do is get out and seek help imme-diately. It may be the most difficult step a battered woman evertakes, but it is the most necessary.The “specialness” of Ann’s relationship was at times disguisedas love. At other times it seemed to offer hope, but all the whileit was predisposed to have condemnation as its goal. At sometime we have all cut a very bad deal. We have traded off love forspecialness, choosing to see each other as bodies rather than asspiritual beings, focusing more on what we can get from a partnerthan on who he or she is. We are looking outside for answers thatcan only be found within ourselves.We are like the man who one night is searching under astreetlight for his key. A stranger passes by and asks what thefellow is looking for. He responds, “My key,” and the secondfellow joins in the search. Unsuccessful at finding the key, thesecond man asks the first, “Exactly where were you standingwhen you dropped the key?” “Oh, I was standing in the house,but the electricity is off, so I came out here to search under thelight of the lamppost.”The key isn’t out there. It wasn’t lost out there, and it isn’t goingto be found out there. But by God, how we do try to insist that itis there. Many spend a lifetime searching for the answer outsidewhile it sits in the center of the soul and waits.Special relationships always involve a great deal of pain—notjust emotional or physical pain, but pain that goes through19Relationships: Holy or Hell? the psyche and into the soul. While we are in the throes of a spe-cial relationship, that knowing part of us does not disappear. Itis gently instructing us that there is another way to be in partner-ship, a way that does not demand sacrifice and pain, which wemust then convince ourselves is love.Sacrifice: An Important Piece of the PuzzleWhat a dreadful and manipulative word sacrifice is. It took memany years to learn that ...


  • 新浪微博
  • 关注微信公众号

  • 打印亚博足球app下载
  • 复制文本
  • 下载A Course in Love - A Self-Discovery Guide for Finding Your Soulmate.XDF
  • 您选择了以下内容